ALAN - THE MISLED

 THE MISLED

                                                                                         BY:-  Nuriel

A young boy of fifteen named Alan is brought up by his mother. 

Alan has a sister of twenty two named Sylvia. Alan’s father Joseph left him, his sister and his mother when Alan was just one. He never saw his father as his father had left them when Alan was too young a kid and hardly had started walking and speaking a few words. 

Alan’s perception about his dad was completely negative and not less than that of a villain. His first and foremost mission of life was to find out his father and kill him. 

He used to feel upset and dejected whenever his classmates, schoolmates, friends, neighbours and anyone who knew Alan and his family background discussed about his father. Such discussions and gossips hurt him and were dagger to his heart. The impact of this was so deep that it bothered him and kept gonging in his mind on and on. May he be in school, classroom, playground, in his home, while studying etc. Now it started affecting his studies so much that it brought him from the topper position in his class to the bottom. Slowly and gradually he started bunking school, lost interest in going to school. Got into ill habits, bad company. Merely at his teenage he was almost spoilt. He was addicted to chewing tobacco, smoking, drinking etc. He always kept a sharp knife in his pocket with an intention that whenever and wherever he sees his father he would stab him and kill him. 

Meanwhile Alan’s mom and his sister were worried about him. They learnt from his behaviour, his school, friends and many other sources that Alan has lost the track. Previously, he never back answered his mom nor did he abuse. But now he always did.  Mom and sister wanted to know what was wrong with him and wanted to help him get on track. Somebody suggested his mom to take him to a psychiatrist. His mom took him to the psychiatrist but it was in vain. Nothing worked.  

One day Alan decided to leave home and seek his father who was the culprit according to him for ruining his life his mother’s life and his sister’s as well. 

That day he woke up early, got ready, made sure that he took that sharp knife in his pocket and left for his father’s town. He reached his dad’s town by public transport bus in three hours. Got down from the bus, looked up to the clear blue sky, looked out to the exit from the bus station and got out of the bus station. The rickshaw and auto rickshaw fellows rushed at him at once asking him where he would go. Now he was confused and speechless because he didn’t know where in that town his dad lived. He then ignoring and avoiding the rickshaw and auto rickshaw fellows, took his own way. He went to a road side kiosk for a cup of tea. After having finished his tea, bought a cigarette, put it in his shirt’s pocket and started walking to a place not known where to. He kept walking until he saw a church. 

He went inside the church premises finding a big lock on the church door and no one inside the church compound, sat on a bench under shade of a huge tree. After having relaxed for a minute or two, took out a cigarette from his pocket placed the cigarette bud between his two lips and checked for match box for lighting the cigarette when suddenly he felt a pat on his right shoulder.  Alan lifted up his eyes to see who was it. He found a mid-aged man of fifty offering him a match box. The man said, “You are too young to smoke.” Sitting next to him the man further asked, “What’s your name young man?”

In a boyish soft voice he said, “Am mm…Alan….I am Alan.” “Why?” asked Alan. The man said, “Nothing, just asking.” “I never saw you in this church nor in the vicinity of this church.” Alan replied, “You are right uncle. I am new in this town, just now got down from the bus entered the church compound thinking I would meet somebody in the church who would help me.”  “What help do you need? Can I be of any help to you?” asked the man. With a hope in his eyes that this man could help him he said, “I shall be obliged uncle. Thank you so much” “Uncle…..” Alan further continued after a small pause and a deep breath, “Do you know Mr. Joseph Baldwin?”  The man a bit looking keenly at the young man asked him, “What’s your full name Alan?”  “My full name is Alan Joseph Baldwin, uncle.” This time opening his eyes little wider the man said, “Alan, it is noon now; I see no lunch box or any food with you. Did you have your lunch?” “No uncle, I didn’t.  My mission first” said Alan. “Any ways, let’s go in a nearby restaurant and eat something first “said the man. I too will have a feel of eating food with my son whom I haven’t seen for fifteen years!” 

Both leave for a nearby restaurant. The man orders chicken Biryani for both. Alan says, “Uncle, I don’t have much money, I won’t be able to afford the bill for chicken Biryani. Please order something cheaper for me. ” The man says, “You need not worry about the payment of the bill Mr Alan Joseph Baldwin” and smiles. The man while eating cracks a few jokes on which Alan laughs a lot, the man too laughs and feels happy seeing Alan happy and laughing. He tells Alan that he was laughing freely and with whole heart after a decade and a half. After finishing their whole and sumptuous meal the man pays the bill and they both leave back towards the same church compound. They, in the church compound, sit on the same bench under the tree.  After they settle comfortably on the bench the man asks a question, “Alan, if you don’t mind could you please tell me something about yourself?” “I mean about your family? How many members are there in your family?” continued the man.  “OK, I will tell you but you tell me something about yourself Uncle.” Alan asked and added, “You are such a jolly person, kind hearted gentleman, fed me with tasty Biryani in a costly restaurant.” “Alright!” said the man “let me tell you about myself” and he continues to tell him about himself. Noticeable thing about the man was, instead of giving his formal introduction he commences his life story right since his childhood that said……………” Son, let me share with you my life’s testimony. You will know what I was and what am I. I wish to tell you everything about myself since my childhood.”

My Childhood

I am the first born child to my parents. I was much pampered. I have two young brothers. My younger brother Moses is three years younger to me and my youngest brother Simon six years. 

My dad was a bank employee and my mom was a school teacher. Although we were a middle class family but our parents grew us up like kids of a Royal family. Our parents fulfilled our every wish and need. We were brought up in a very cultured manner, full of social etiquettes and ethics. My mom was a born Christian whereas my dad was a strong Hindu and was stuck to his belief. He came in Christ not accidently nor just because my mom wanted him to become a Christian neither did he become a Christian just because he had fallen in love with my mom or he wanted to marry my mom but he accepted Christ as his saviour after he had started reading Bible and knowing Jesus very closely. Also he had experienced many miracles in his life that changed his life completely. My dad came in Christ in his late twenties. He was a strong believer since then. He was opposed by his relatives and friends just because he accepted Lord Jesus Christ as his personal saviour and was baptized. He was left alone and insulted by his relatives and so called friends. My dad and mom got married in the Church amongst the people of God in the presence of our living Lord Jesus Christ. My parents had an eternal intimacy. They were like made for each other. I never saw them quarrelling. They both respected each other’s feelings and always saw that they never hurt each other in any way. My parents were a blessing for us. Every evening we used to have our supper together. Both mom and dad used to have their supper in the same plate. Before going to bed we used to have family prayer. We were a happy family.

I still remember, it was Sunday and my mom prepared all three of us i.e.me, my younger brother Moses, my youngest brother Simon for Sunday school and church. I was learning in grade six that time, my younger brother was in fourth and the youngest one was in second grade. Church was at a walking distance from our home, probably two kilometres away. After getting ready and having eaten our breakfast we left for church. On the way to church, one of my friends came running towards me and stopped us calling out my name, “Joseph….Joseph…..Joseph” He was running towards us and was breathing heavily as he ran to catch us. As he reached towards us and stopped us he was gasping and breathing heavily because he had run a long distance to catch us. After a moment or so, when he calmed down and gathered enough oxygen in his lungs he spoke to me and said, “We have a cricket match today with our neighbouring colony cricket team and you being the captain we need you.” He further added, “We are falling short of one more player as Ravi (our friend and a player of our team) was ill.” I told him that was o.k. once when we come back from the church we will play the cricket match. He quickly said, “Arey yaar {O Dear!}, our match is just now and we all are waiting for you. The opposite team is waiting for the toss, please come just now. This Sunday we ought to beat the neighbouring colony’s team as we have been losing the cricket match against them for last two Sundays! ”

I was stuck and was in a dilemma. My mind was jammed and I didn’t understand what to do? My cricket team needed me badly as we were determined this time to beat them (our opposite team) whereas on the other hand, if I miss the Sunday school and church, we three brothers will have to undergo a trial in the court of our parents.  There would be no way out whatever punishment my dad would  impose, we would have to accept. 

The punishment could be anything……unpredictable.

I looked at both my younger brothers with an intention to get their kind consent. They both were looking at me and our friend who had come running with the message. Both my brothers were watching and listening to the conversation keenly.  Perhaps they got the seriousness of the matter. All three of us and our friend were silent. There was pin drop silence for a moment.

Suddenly my youngest brother broke the silence after taking a long breath and saying, “It’s ok, now because your team needs you badly for winning this cricket match, you both play the cricket match and I will watch the match and cheer up your team. Don’t worry, I won’t tell mom and dad that we had bunked the Sunday school and church.” I kissed and hugged my youngest brother for his support. We immediately ran towards the ground where the cricket match was held. We played well. We won the match. By the time the match was over, the church too was over and hence we three brothers decided to go home directly instead of going to the church. When we returned home my mom asked us as usual, “So, how was your Sunday school? What new did you learn today? Which new verse did you learn and  from which book? Which chapter?” and so on. We three were now in trouble. We knew that we now would be caught and we would have to undergo a trial in our dad’s court. Mom then asked us to get fresh. She served us a good and sumptuous meal. We enjoyed the Sunday special meal. Dad too had come back from the church by then. He used to go to a distant church on his bicycle. After coming back from the church he got fresh and had his lunch with my mom. My mom and dad always had their meals together in one plate. After their lunch was done my dad told my mom to send all the three of us in his room. We couldn’t understand the reason, why?

He too started throwing question after question on us as mom did. He ordered mom to fetch our clothes those we had worn that Sunday for the Church. My mom brought my dress and my younger brother Moses’s dress.

“Hmm… you went on a battle it seems, didn’t you?” he said. I immediately replied, “No dad, we had gone to the church” “ok, which church did you all go to?” he continued. I replied humbly, “Baptist Church in the camp area where we go every Sunday."  "Why?” I asked. My dad ordered my mom to bring him his leather belt that was in the waist loops of his pants. As soon as he heard this dialogue, my youngest brother who was merely in second grade, immediately pissed in his pants as he sensed the seriousness of the situation and also as he knew the next action. He quickly vomited the truth and told dad that me and Moses played a cricket match instead of going to church and both the older brothers scared him for not telling anything to the parents or he will have to face the consequences. We were then helpless and could do nothing other than confessing our guilt. Both, me and Moses stared at our youngest brother Simon angrily and waved our pointer finger at him making him know that we would see him later. He quickly shouted loudly and told dad that we were scaring him! Our dad then commanded us to remove every single cloth on our body. We had to follow the orders. We removed all our clothes and soon we were without clothes except our under garment. Dad ordered to remove that too! Then we were completely in Adam suit. Fully naked!  We were standing with fallen faces, heads down and our youngest brother was laughing at us teasingly. His teasing and notorious smile at us irritated us and  our anger multiplied hundred times greater. Then our dad ordered us to stand outside the house with our hands holding our ears.                     

Our childhood was very enjoyable. We were blessed to have so loving and caring parents. Every evening we used to have family prayer, praise and worship after our supper before going to bed.

continued.........

MY TEEN AGE

When I was in my thirteen I was very much fond of music and had interest in playing musical instruments. After the church I used to stay in the church as long as every single member of the church had not gone. I used to then play the musical instruments in the church and practice for hours. The pastor and the care taker of the church never scolded nor mind me playing the instruments but they used to encourage me. I was rather interested in playing rhythmic instruments like Dholak and Tabla {Indian rhythm instruments}.

My mom used to get irritated often when I used to take number of utensils like cooking pots and plates and used to play rhythm on it assuming that I were a world famous rhythm player. My mom used to scold me and sometimes used to punish me beating with the handle of a broom. One day a teacher from my mom’s school came in our home. She was music lover and was Indian classical vocalist. As usual I was deeply involved in my regular activity, practicing rhythm on the cooking pots and plates arranged in our living room. I had made the entire living room dirty with all the utensils from the kitchen scattered in the living room. As soon as my mom entered in our home along with her colleague, she was very angry. She started shouting at me. Her colleague who had come with her made my mom cool down and asked my mom to appreciate me and  see an artist hidden in me. She told my mom to put me in a music class for learning to play musical instruments. My mom then got me admitted to a music class where I learnt playing “Tabla” an Indian rhythmic instrument. Because I already had interest in music, I learnt it quickly. Within a year or two, I could accompany singers. In due course of time I became a good rhythm player and accompanied many good singers in my town.

I was a gifted, a talented artist. God had always been gracious to me. It was me who was ungrateful to Him. Being famous and in demand artist, was enveloped with pride. Never gave time to God. Never used my talent for the glory of God.

 .

As I grew older, my love for music only deepened. I began to perform at various events and gatherings, and people would often praise my talent. But amidst all the accolades, I started to drift away from my faith. I became proud and arrogant, believing that my success was solely due to my own efforts.

One day, I received an invitation to perform at a prestigious event in a nearby city. I was thrilled at the opportunity and immediately accepted. But as I was preparing for the event, I received a call from my pastor, asking me to perform at a church event on the same day.

I was torn. On one hand, I had already committed to the prestigious event, and I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity. On the other hand, I felt a pang of guilt for not prioritizing the church event.

As I struggled with the decision, I remembered the words of my pastor: "Joseph, your talent is a gift from God. Use it to glorify Him."

I took a deep breath and made the decision to perform at the church event instead. It wasn't an easy decision, but I knew it was the right one.

As I performed at the church event, I felt a sense of peace and joy that I had never experienced before. It was as if God was smiling down on me, proud of the decision I had made.

From that day on, I made a conscious effort to use my talent for the glory of God. I began to perform at church events and gatherings, and I even started a music ministry to reach out to others.

As I looked back on my journey, I realized that God had been with me all along, guiding me and directing me. I was grateful for the lessons I had learned and for the opportunity to use my talent for His glory.

And now, as I sat on the bench with Alan, I couldn't help but think about how far I had come. From a proud and arrogant young man to a humble servant of God, I had been on a journey of transformation.

I looked at Alan and smiled, knowing that he too was on a journey of discovery. And I was grateful to be a part of it.

As we sat on the bench, I could see the anger and hurt still simmering in Alan's eyes. I knew I had to tread carefully, but I also knew I couldn't keep the truth hidden forever.

"Alan, I want to tell you something," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Something that might change everything."

Alan looked at me warily, but he nodded for me to continue.

"I'm your father, Alan," I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth like a confession. "I'm Joseph Baldwin, your biological father."

The words hung in the air like a challenge, waiting for Alan's response. At first, there was silence. Then, a mix of emotions crossed Alan's face - shock, anger, confusion, and finally, tears.

"Why?" Alan asked, his voice shaking with emotion. "Why did you leave us? Why did you abandon us?"

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the difficult conversation ahead. I knew I had to be honest, to explain my side of the story, and to seek forgiveness.

"Alan, I'm so sorry for what I did," I said, my voice cracking with emotion. "I was young, foolish, and selfish. I didn't know how to be a good husband or father. But that's no excuse for what I did. I should have been stronger, more responsible."

As I spoke, I could see the anger in Alan's eyes begin to fade, replaced by a deep sadness and longing.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Alan asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Because I want to make amends, Alan," I said. "I want to be a part of your life, to be a father to you and your sister. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm hoping you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

The silence that followed was oppressive, weighing heavily on my shoulders. I knew I had to give Alan space, time to process this revelation.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Alan spoke.

"I don't know, dad," he said, his voice laced with uncertainty. "I need time to think."

I nodded, understanding. "Take all the time you need, son," I said. "I'll be here, waiting for you."